Noah James turns 4!

Dear Noah:

Today you turn 4 years old. It's hard to believe that it has been that long since you have entered the world, and yet it feels like you've always been a part of my life; the moon that I have orbited. Before you existed, I like to say that there was a Noah shaped hole in my heart. God knew I needed laughter and giggles and someone to break the mold and get very muddy doing so. Your name means "Rest and comfort" and I have to say that's exactly what you brought to our family.

You love to laugh, and can be heard most days from the other side of the house squealing (some would say MUCH too loudly) and laughing. You are always saying something funny and joking around with someone. Right now you like to tell funny jokes that are one-liners like "Why did the monkey climb the tree?" and then you bust up laughing. You don't quite understand the timing of jokes, but you're so funny when you laugh at the ones you make up that everyone ends up laughing anyway.

You can't say your r's or l's properly, and it's still adorably cute. Especially when you talk about Legos (which, by the way, you have become quite fond of). "Mama, I weewy, weewy, wov wegos" is what you tell me, and I hope as long as I live I don't forget how you said it.

You love to be active, you ride a scooter like you're in the pro championships, and whip around corners and jump off of steps with it. It gives me a heart attack, but you do it with ease. You also love to play any kind of passing or kicking game, anything that involves a ball. But you haven't quite mastered the art of sharing, and you quite often end up taking the ball and running away from the other kids, or a ball of screaming rage when others won't pass the ball to you. But you are unmatched when it comes to wrestling, and while your brother has 2 years on you, he cannot beat you in a wrestling match. The two of you break out into wrestling matches all the livelong day. I have to say, it's a lot like watching the Discovery Channel and little baby bear cubs.

You are absolutely ruled by your tummy. As soon as you wake up you want to know what's for "bweckdast" and while you're eating that, you're asking what's for lunch. You're also entirely too pre-occupied with what I'm making for dinner which is both frustrating and comical. If you're ever mad or upset you can be easily persuaded at the mere mention of a snack or treat, it's incredibly cute and I'm wondering what my grocery bill will look like when you're a teenager!

But mostly, Noah James, you are a very thoughtful little boy. You and I spend our mornings together, alone, which suits you just fine. You love to ask me questions, and sing songs and you HATE being alone  (which I can totally relate to). I guess that's why you're a perfect fit as the middle child, because you always have someone to play with. You are a caring older brother to your sister, always helping her down, or bringing her a toy or washing her hands for me. And you're a very kind younger brother, always willing to help your big bro and you don't care one iota that he is different from you, you shrug it off immediately which just makes my heart melt. You and I understand each other in a way no one else does, and I am so blessed by our tight bond. I don't mind giving you the "Mama's Boy" title for a little while longer.

You are laughter, you are light, and you are comfort and love to this family; we would be so terribly boring without you stirring up trouble! I love you Noahboy, to the moon and back.

Love, your mama

"Mama": A Mother's Day Tribute

It's been a difficult year for my mother. I have watched her go through so much with the death of my father. She has been brave and tried new things and has been through such grief and tremendous loss but has handled it with grace and dignity. Not only has she been a strong woman, but also a wonderfully supportive mother as she walked all of her children through this deep dark grief. When your children are grown, and your husband is gone, the mother's day lunches desist. There aren't nearly as many praises, or accolades at this point, you're lucky if you even get a phone call. But why is that? Just because your children are adults does not make you any less their mother. So on this Mother's day I would like to publicly acknowledge what a marvelous woman my mother is, and this poem that's just for her:

                                                      You'll Always be "Mama" to me
                                         When I was just a baby, and learning how to speak
                                         I would call you "Mama" and kiss you on the cheek.
                               When I took my first few steps, I would push your hands away
                              But you were always there to catch me, even if you couldn't say.

                                         "Mommy" was the next name I called you as I grew,
                                      I was gaining independence, but still really needed you.
                            You'd scare away the monsters, and kiss the boo boos on my knee.
                                 And you loved the hugs and kisses you'd always get from me.
                                    Every card I'd make for you was treasured and was dear,
                             but as the years began to pass, "Mommy" wasn't what you'd hear.

                             Soon "Moooooooom!" was what I'd scream from down the hall,
                             when I couldn't find my favorite shirt or needed money for the mall.
                                     Through helping me with algebra, or packing me a lunch,
                                  all you asked was "how's your day?" you didn't ask for much.
                                Instead I gave you groans and sass it wasn't what you'd expect.
                                    And I'm sad to say I didn't always treat you with respect.

                            And when I was finally old enough I left your nest and put up walls,
                                              I didn't call you anything, I didn't call at all.
                            I was finding myself in the great big world, I was pushing you away,
                                     Still you waited for me patiently, even if you couldn't say.

                                        Soon I wore a wedding dress and started a new life,
                                   "Mom" was what I'd call you, "teach me how to be a wife."
                                  One part woman, one part child we came to a compromise;
                                  I was learning you were right, you were learning to let me fly.

                                        And finally the day came when all your work paid off,
                                  They placed a baby in my arms and he was warm and soft.
                             Soon my house was full of babies; mess and kisses were my life,
                                    and I would call you "Mama" when I needed your advice.

                                          It's only now that I'm a mama that I can truly see
                                    Why I call you"Mama" and what "Mama" means to me.
                                     It's years of love and sacrifice and knowing when to pray,
                                     you've always had my back, even when you couldn't say.

                                   

Christian Indie Artists: The BEST music No one's listening to

 As a christian, I have come to find that there really are only 2 kinds of radio stations that I can hear christian music on. The first is K-Love, the old standby that play the same "new" song about 4 times an hour and only rest it to play some old 80's Michael W. Smith tune that you've hated since, well, the 80's. It gets annoying real fast and I find myself jabbing the stereo buttons as hard as I can to quickly change the station. So I do, and it's Air One which, in my hayday as a teenager I felt was a great alternative to the drab christian music of the 90's. Now it's full of ear-thumping pop hits, and screamo music that is much much less appealing. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure it has an audience, and I am sure there are many a thankful parent that are glad their kids are listening to this than some of the over-sexualized garbage that's on mainstream music stations. But I can't help but be terribly disappointed at my lack of options. I think the most frustrating thing to me.  Because of it, over the years I have turned to secular avenues to quench my thirst for creativity and easy-listening. You see, from a completely musical standpoint there is something that drives me crazy about christian music- it's tendency to be overproduced. All the music is perfectly recorded and edited. It's full sound all the time and it gets incredibly stale when you listen to song after song of the same perfect stuff. There's no edge to it, no diversity and sometimes I feel like it's also lacking musical heart.

In 2012, the Foo Fighters won a grammy from an album they recorded entirely in their garage. Lead singer Dave Grohl had this to say in his acceptance speech:

"This is a great honor, because this record was a special record for our band. Rather than go to the best studio in the world down the street in Hollywood and rather than use all of the fanciest computers that money can buy, we made this one in my garage with some microphones and a tape machine...

To me this award means a lot because it shows that the human element of music is what's important. Singing into a microphone and learning to play an instrument and learning to do your craft, that's the most important thing for people to do.It's not about being perfect, it's not about sounding absolutely correct, it's not about what goes on in a computer. It's about what goes on in here [your heart] and what goes on in here [your head]."

So what is a christian who happens to like good music to do? That's when I discovered the christian indie genre.

So what IS the christian indie genre? Well it's an artist who is independent of a label, a stereotype, or a brand. They are not always in mainstream radio (though some get to be there through a lot of hardwork). They don't have a record deal, or a publicist. They book their own tours, often sleeping in seedy hotels or in 15 passenger vans as they travel from sleepy town to sleepy town promoting their craft. They sell their albums at merch tables. Albums that were funded solely by themselves and often recorded in smaller private venues, or makeshift recording studios. They set up their own equipment, mix their own boards, play things until it "feels" right and are ok with things not sounding perfect in every song. They are their own manager, publicist, tour manager and roadies. And they make music because they believe in the craft, and in not selling out to please a music executive. To earn money for their next album, they often go on tour with other bands, secular or otherwise, as back-up singers or keyboardists. Sometimes they turn to kickstarter or facebook private donors, listeners who believe in their sound and are willing to help pay to make a good record. These are the dark horses of the christian music industry, the ones we don't hear or see as much, but the ones who are starting a whole new era of independent music on their terms and giving us the ability to not just choose between 2 mediocre radiostations. They are changing the face of modern christian music in an integrous way. 

So who are these christian indie artists Erin is raving about? Well, I'm glad you asked, because over the next few months I will be introducing you to some new artists that I hope you enjoy as much as I do.

First up is All Sons & Daughters who recently came out with a live album that I review HERE. Tired of the music industry, the way in which it was, David Leonard stopped touring and focused on being more involved in his church in Nashville Tennessee. It was there that he met fellow worship leader and songwriter Leslie Jordan whom he teamed up with to write and lead several new worship songs. Their creativity flowed from the needs of their church, where the body was and where they were headed. But it resonated with more than just their congregation and led to them releasing an EP and an LP. This week they released their first live album which was recorded in a chapel in Franklin Tennessee full of a congregation of eager worshippers. It is an amazing album and if you have a few bucks to spend on itunes, I highly recommend it.

Next is JJ Heller. You might be slightly more familiar with her music, as her music was first featured in a dance routine on So You Think You Can Dance. Her soleful voice, and guitar picking songs have become like a warm blanket to me on very hard days. She is one of those people that turns record after record, yet she remains so fresh and relevant. She also tours like a crazy person to help fund her art.Her latest album Loved was released last month and is also available on itunes, in fact it was the featured album on itunes the day it released which was a milestone in JJ's career.

And lastly, I give you The In-Laws who formed their Lumineers-style sound by being joined in the bonds of matrimony. Steven Curtis Chapman is a darling of the christian music industry and has even more recently signed on with Sony Records, a very prestigious gig. But it's his younger sons that have gone into the family business on their own terms. Forming The Band Caleb, Will-Franklin and Caleb Chapman started recording and touring themselves. On such a tour, they joined with Jillian Edwards, a christian indie artist in her own right, and her and Will-Franklin fell in love and got married. What was born out of that marriage, was a killer sound, and a catchy band-name. The In-Laws recently released their first EP and while it's only 3 songs, they were written, recorded and produced by the 3, (as well as promoted). It shows amazing talent and promise and talks all about the ups and downs of a solid christian marriage through the love and the arguments. These guys are entirely interesting and definitely worth investing time in.

Those are the 3 artists I recommend this week. Check back with me as I hope to uncover some more indie gems to help liven up your christian music listening.

 

Youtube Celebrity Wannabe

I was cruising through youtube a while ago and stumbled quite randomly onto what is known as a youtube celebrity. What is a youtube celebrity you ask? Because there are quite a few of them. Basically, they are young, goodlooking people who have zany, strange and random personalities. Requirements for being a youtube celebrity: Must have strange slogans, odd-looking clothes, be a bit of a nerd, and extremely technologically advanced (i.e. very good at filming and editing videos).

So think about the nerdy A.V. people at your highschool and those are pretty much the people that end up being famous. The amount of views on these people's videos are insane. I mean really, one 3 minute video of people making strange faces, wearing strange clothes and re-enacting their favorite pokemon scene gets 300k hits? Wow. 

They almost always have strange usernames as well. I mean, I totally get that, I also have a strange youtube username. But it's the name that they become known for. So people who spot them walking down a street call out in an insanely loud voice"Nanalew! is that you??"

What I find to be the most intrigueing part about the whole thing, is that they have found a way to make it a career. Most of these youtube celebs don't have regular jobs. Their videos are funded by ads (the more plays, the more adviews, the more revenue). They also tend to make appearances at conventions like VidCon and go on national tours. You wouldn't think that would really make much money, but the truth is, it DOES.

Sometimes I look at these very eccentric videos and I think, "How? How did they come up with that? How do they do this for a living?" It may not exactly be the kind of thing you can put on a resume, or brag about at a dinner party. "So what does your daughter do?" "Oh... she's a youtube celebrity."
It definitely pays the bills and no doubt can be a springboard for all sorts of interesting career tracks.

The nerd in me is always interested in the software they use, or the type of wide angle lens they film with. These are things I usually try to tell my husband INSTANTLY when he walks into a room asking me why in the world I'm watching a video of a girl with a bunny hat dancing around. "Um.... it's because of the lighting! I really love the lighting! And the retouch color finishes are fantastic. No really..... that's why I'm watching this absurd video."

See, now I've got you curious don't I? Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging. Here is a link to my possibly favorite youtube personality: Meekakitty
I like her because she's strange, and funny and loves to do fun music videos and lip synchs. But she is also a WIZ, I mean a total wiz with the camera and editing. Fantastic if you ask me. And while her videos can be a little eccentric, they have an oddly addicting quality to them.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be youtube sensation: Lannyjane. And you can all point back to the day when I was just plain old Erin Warkentin, random blogger and livingroom dance expert.

The A.D.D. mommmy

I've talked about having A.D.D before in the church setting. And there are so many other places and scenarios in which it can definitely be hard. Recently, I was asked how I handle having A.D.D. and being a parent and I have to say, in this case, A.D.D. can be your best friend.

 

 

When they're babies it's a lot harder to keep track of things like feeding and changing and burping (repeat). You have to really focus and concentrate, which can be hard for anyone when they're running on 2 hours of sleep. Of course, these days the world is just full of apps that help the parents remember those little details. When they get older ofcourse, there is no need for apps. The constant whining, crying and shouting "Mama.. I'm HUNGRY!" make it quite easy to remember to feed your kids.

 

Do I get distracted and hyperfocused on projects and things and sometimes forget to start dinner on time? Ofcourse I do! But mostly, I think A.D.D. is an invaluable resource to a parent with multiple children. It's what allows me to hold one crying kid, while pulling the other one's pants up and answering the other one's questions. It is what keeps my mind jumping from superhero to princess game, what allows me to potty train while giving a spelling test. Because, frankly, that's motherhood and I'm fairly certain that by the end of it, most moms have some form of A.D.D.

 

 Never being able to finish a thought or conversation on the phone without a kid tattling, or hanging on you or wiping their dirty hands all over you. Laundry souring in the washing machine because you've gotten distracted by all the legos that were dumped on the livingroom floor. Only a half-cleaned kitchen floor that was left when your favorite song came on the radio and you broke out into a spontanious dance party with your kids in your livingroom (no, that's just me? no matter). The point is, motherhood is a constant form of A.D.D. What mom hasn't spent a playdate half talking to their friends, half reffing an argument, or keeping your two-year-old from hitting other kids?

 

I see A.D.D. as a total advantage in motherhood. If you DON'T have it, you're in BIG trouble.

 



Anthropologie lace bow tutorial

If you're anything like me, you bought about 500 bow headbands when you found out you were having a baby girl. I so enjoyed putting little hairbands on my baby for as long as I could. But eventually, those little headbands got to small for her head and they ended up in a bag at the back of her closet.

Fast forward to a little while ago when I had an idea for an anthropologie type hairbow using those old, stretched out baby headbands.

You take those little gorgeous hairbows, and cut the bows off the top until the lace is just one straight line.

Next put a spot of hot glue on the edge of the lace, wrap it around three fingers and create a loop. Secure the loop with the spot of glue.

Until it looks like this:

Next you make a shorter loop on top, securing the smaller loop with glue as well until you have two layered loops, a longer and a bit shorter one. Make sure you have a short piece (about an half inch long) left and cut it.

Next take both loops and pinch, hot glue both layers to keep it's bow shape.

Then take the leftover half inch piece of lace you have left and fold that in half longways until you have one long skinny piece.

Then wrap that skinny piece around the middle of the bow and hot glue at the back. Then take a small piece of felt, cut it in a circle and use it to secure an alligator clip to the back of the bow.

When you're done, you will have two fun bows: one for the kiddo and one for the mama.

It looks great on mama....

And also on the little lady....

And there you have it! Thanks for the support. If you like what you see, check out my other tutorials on the DIY tab at the top of the page, and share with your friends!

SPD: When senses attack

As you probably know by now, Olivia has sensory processing disorder, or SPD. Sometimes it's also called Sensory Integration Disorder. The thing about SPD is it's not as well known or understood as something like autism. It's a quiet thing that often happens internally. A child's reactions can be low to mild, or sometimes manic depending on the situation. When they hit a mania, it is often seen as a temper tantrum or acting out and can take a long time, if ever, to be diagnosed. We were lucky in that we had already had a child with a disability, so when things with Olivia started to get confusing and curious, I knew exactly who to call and she was diagnosed within a month of her first birthday- a huge thing in the SPD community. We have walked through a lot of milestones with her this year and have gotten over a lot of hangups. For instance, we can now go to the mall, or a store or the school to pick up Elijah without having a major meltdown. It's taken a LOT of work to get it that way, but we've figured out a system to it and learned how to get Olivia comfortable with these situations.

Our biggest hurdle this year has been getting her to be ok with being outside in the playground. Before, this was a cause for major meltdowns and fits of rage. But after conditioning her for several months, making her go once a day, she finally got used to it about 3 months in. Let me tell you what a long 3 months that was.

While most days are mild, lately, we've been going through some tough times with our little 2-year-old. To understand what I am talking about, why all of this is so very hard for Liv, I first have to explain what happens in her brain. Every SPD kid is different and different sensory things are more sensitive than others. For Liv, she has an equalibrium problem, an extreme sensitivity on her feet, and a major aversion to bright outdoor light (i.e. the sun).

When we are born, the neurons in our brain fire and help us do things like feel where we are in space when we close our eyes or help us to understand how to put weight and pressure on our feet when we walk so we know not to mis-step. For Olivia, the neurons in her brain don't fire the same way. They don't always send messages to her to know where she is in space. So if I do something like twirl her around and around, most kids would be a little wobbly if you put them down. Olivia would fall down, get up and then fall down about 7 times before she could get her bearings. She often has problems balancing herself and correcting herself if she becomes wobbly.

The joints in her ankles don't fire enough to her brain to tell her if she's pressing too hard or not enough and it often makes her feel uncomfortable walking, jumping, walking on steps or basically anything that requires her feet. As a result, she avoids anything that comes in contact with her feet. Teaching her to walk took 2 years, she still doesn't jump with both her feet and she will NOT walk on stairs.

The light sensitivity is something I'm still trying to understand. Some days, she can be okay with it, other days she absolutely refuses to go out in it at all. It varies from day to day, situation to situation.

So what does this all mean you ask? It means that when we leave our home, the world is a dangerous and scary place for Olivia; she doesn't feel safe and can often feel out of control. Because she is lacking the ability to coordinate herself and adapt to new environments, we have to go to the same places all the time because they make her feel comfortable. Going to a new or different place, especially if that place involves steps or bright lights or lots of people (she loses her balance) than she gets what we call a "sensory attack".

The thing is, you never know when these attacks will come on, or how she will be able to snap out of it.
One such attack happened on Monday when we took her to the fire station. This is what she looked like 2 minutes before-hand. See? Perfectly happy kid then.... Boom.

When Liv was younger, we avoided as much contact with the outside world as we could. Now that she's 2 years old, we are trying to give her new experiences and new places to learn to feel safe in. So when the opportunity to visit the firehouse came about with our playgroup, we jumped at the chance. Noah was thrilled to pieces to go and easily climbed up and down the truck. Liv handled it well, only fussing every now and then when she had to climb steps or felt unsteady. But we continued on. It wasn't until they brought the firetruck out in the bright california sunshine that I knew something was going to happen. And boy did it. A few minutes out in that light, and Olivia went into hysterics. She screamed louder than I thought humanly possible. She laid down on the ground and rolled all over the place, burried her face and kicked like crazy.

What the world sees: a bratty 2-year-old who is misbehaving and should be disciplined better so she knows how to behave in public.

What I see: a little girl who bravely went to a new place, tried new things, climbed things she was unsure of, was pushed and shoved by lots of little kids, endured a photo facing that bright sun she hates and smiled and then finally..... finally could not take it anymore and didn't know how to control herself.

I'm sure it looks horrible that I allow her to throw a fit like that. But the truth is, she has no idea how else to express herself. We are trying to teach her through methodology how to learn to calm herself down and control her behavior. She is learning how to remove herself from the situation or person and leave. But she is still only 2 years old and sometimes.... you just can't control a 2-year-old.

Lately, when having these kinds of attacks, she spends the next few days being unable to control herself, or sleep or communicate how she is feeling. And on those days, we just try our best to hold her and rock her and keep her away from the scary world. It can sometimes be allienating and is ALWAYS extremely difficult to explain to anyone.

How do we explain how wonderful this little girl is? How funny, and incredibly smart and sharp she is? I don't know. I don't often even know how to explain what is bothering her. Most of the time, I don't really know. But I know she needs a lot of love and therapy and that she is doing so much better than she was and that she is brave, and incredibly strong and a true beauty.

Recently we lost our funding for her Occupational therapy. She graduated from her physical therapy, which was wonderful but it also meant that she lost the only kind of therapy she was getting. Which was pretty discouraging. I do my best to do my own kind of mommy therapy, but there really are only some things that only professionals can do. I'm not done fighting yet, I'm still going to explore every avenue to help my little girl. But this is where we are right now. Having sensory attacks, still sensitive to things but learning and growing and pushing herself all the time. We are proud of our little girl and all the things she has accomplished. We are also so thankful to have spotted this early so we could help her to try and be more successful and able-bodied by the time school starts.

Galatians 6:9 
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.






It's still a journey, but one I will gladly take to help my baby girl. And that's where we are.